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4/19/05 @ 02:02 am   
In dreams, I walk with you
Music: Astor Piazzolla's Best Tangos - Aquiles Delle-Vigne, piano
had two wonderful dreams last night.

In the first, there was what started as a movie, set undersea. Someone was talking about the cgi graphics.

Believe it or not, it wasn't until after I had actually typed that line that I suddenly felt like a real dweeb.

The setting was within a dark abyss... deep brown in every direction, distinguishable from black only by being warm in appearance instead of foreboding. A comment pointed out not just the animation but the irridescence effects, and sure enough, I saw huge schools, clouds of soft neon forms swarming through depths striated with shimmering pearlescence like a ghost of an abalone shell.

It's funny how the subconscious takes waking life for a springboard. While all this sounds imaginative, the fact is that last night's episode of the Simpsons ended with something like this.

The point of view became immersed within the scene instead of watching it like a film. After moving for a while through this glowing undersea wonderland, a narrative began to take shape. Unfortunately it's late the following night as I write this and the details have hazed out on me. There was some sort of machine, a mechanistic and consuming presence from above. The surface of the water came into play as part of the dramatic setting, perhaps with some of the larger fish - still glowing neon - jumping into the air in opposition to this large entity. The atmosphere was the same indefinite dark brown field as the water. There was a ruler of some sort, either entreating the masses of sea life against this encroaching thing, or congratulating their efforts against it - I can't remember the sequence. But the overall character of the dream was visual, and long parts of it were nothing but passing through depths full of a multitude of iridescent life, seeing it but unaware of myself, with no limits on the dream's physical setting... just warmly dark depths... no sea bed, no ground, no sky, no shores enclosing, just one single median boundary, between sea and air, and none other in any direction. Amazing.

In the second dream, I was working a mixing desk in a garage, working with Pink Floyd on a song they had just recorded out on the driveway. The driveway ran alongside a small drainage creek, which ran under the road.
It was all four guys from the '70s lineup, they were in good spirits, and I was having a good time, the song was really cool - sort of an 'Animals'-period epic piece, not a 'Wall'-type pop song - and they were digging my production job.

I remember wanting at one point to tell them that if even I didn't have a single other musical accomplishment in my life, being able to do one thing these four particular musicians really liked was a honor enough.

Somehow the scene shifted into me wandering the nearby neighborhood with my dad, his wife, and my sister. Can't remember what the original reason for taking off with them was, but pretty soon it was time to start finding our way back, and things got sort of confusing. We lost track of my sister, and I guess it struck me that she'd somehow slipped into a different period of time, and this was almost by our turning a corner and finding myself of a year ago hanging out there. I was thrilled that something was happening that had never happened before, but when I tried to engage in some conversation, it turned out myself of a year ago couldn't see or interact with myself now, which is a drag, I was sort of into it for the novelty. My father & stepmother were able to talk to him, though, and asked if he'd seen my sister, and he said no, so I guess she wasn't a year ago. I took a good hard look at myself of a year ago before we left, and as soon as we were gone, I asked my dad & stepmother, "Does it look like I've lost any weight since then?" And they said, "No." Funny how those little waking insecurities creep in when you're asleep.

My dad's wife got out a tape of the Pink Floyd song I had just been working on & said she liked it. I asked how she had gotten it & she said she had some friends down by the bridge who taped stuff that went on down there.

Isn't it weird the stuff your subconscious can come up with? A few months ago I had a dream that I was driving a car around & at one point I had this sort of holy man/guru in the passenger seat and before I dropped him off I asked him to give me some wisdom and he said, "Your days can be as joyous as your nights."

Now, I don't know how that sounds to those of you who don't often spend 24 hours a day inside this particular head, but that was fucking profound, because if you were to ask me, ordinarily I'd tell you that I couldn't think of a hell of a lot of joyous shit that happens during the daytime. I woke up, and was like, where the fuck did THAT come from?

I've had even wilder shit than that, but I don't want to make this post any longer.
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Date:April 19th, 2005 02:26 pm (UTC)
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Wow. I don't know what amazes me more: the depth of your dreams or your ability to remember it all.
I find that I very rarely remember my dreams and, when I do, they tend to be a bit disturbing.
You've inspired me, though, such that I will attempt to describe the next one I remember.
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Date:April 28th, 2005 11:11 am (UTC)
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I think it has to do with living in California. It's like an isolation tank effect. As life around you becomes shallower and shallower, the subconscious generates profundity to fill in the hole.

Also, I had been on medication for a while that I just discontinued that night, which always makes for a night or two of strange, vivid dreams.

I've always been interested in the subconscious, though - in hypnosis, cognitive psych, dreams, etc. So I've paid a lot of attention to my dreams ever since I was a kid. I think that naturally feeds upon itself, makes them more intense and increases your recall.

You wanna hear about getting odd new perspective from a dream, check it out, this one was a few months ago. The crazier one that I stopped short of writing about was this...

It was real short, but, I dreamed that I had died and was going to hell. Don't know if you've ever been in Real Big Trouble but there's this period of time between when you know you're about to be in big trouble and when you actually get in trouble. It was a lot like that.

It suddenly crossed my mind that I was soon going to be in pain forever. And I saw it, I really grasped it, suddenly fully conceived of experiencing a length of time so long that millions of years, as long as I could imagine, wasn't even going to be a minuscule fraction of the beginning of it. It was suddenly like I saw with great immediacy what "forever" means.

When I woke up, it didn't fade away, either. It was like, you know, whenever I think about the future, it's always framed by the indistinct boundary of my own death, beyond which the unbounded future is, essentially, imaginary. I've never realized that consciously but suddenly it was stripped away and forever wasn't an imaginary concept anymore, it was a real experience that I could conceive of.

Really, it's testament to how stagnant my life is, that I have to cook up shit this interesting myself for want of getting it from other people.

PS. On a positive note, when I got to hell in th edream I found that the demons didn't actually do anything too terrible to me - they were just sort of annoying.
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